Good Intentions and Sexual Tension...
I have - though I'm getting better now spotting the real problems from the imagined ones, with people being attracted to me.
Nearly everyone I've met hasn't been a real problem - just my fears about it cause me to worry.
I had one person a few months ago take rejection really good. It was basically, in a pub, and they'd stopped and had complimented me on my mohawk while they passed me on the way to get a drink. Then that was it for that night.
A week later I was in and they came and chatted to me. I knew they were really into me, but I had no interest back. However, I chatted amiably and the conversation came round quite quickly and they asked me if I liked them. I kinda got flustered, 'cause I knew I didn't, but I didn't want to reject them and hurt them, coming right out with it.
Still, they wanted an answer to 'Did they have a chance?', and after a bit of effort, I said something like, 'Sorry, no.'
But what surprised me was, that they accepted that and didn't change or become cold or hostile or upset. And over the next few times we met in the pub, although they still made it clear they liked me (in that certain way). I knew they meant nothing more to happen - they understood nothing could happen, but that I didn't mind them showing they had affection for me - when they gave me a hug on parting.
So, after a few months, I haven't seen them in the pub - but I know I made a friend even though their interest is out in the open, talking about it with them honestly was good. But it's rare to find anyone that copes with rejection that well!
I've got better with dealing with unwanted attention from others, I let it just flow past me, and smile and thank them. Like water off a ducks back - I don't treat it serious or alienate them and It seems to work, 'cause they pick up that I'm not serious about them. I'm just laid back about it.
Through learning how to deal with others being attracted to me though, I've had a harder problem dealing with me being attracted to somone who doesn't want my attention! heh heh But again, I'm a rationalist, and after a bit I deal with reality. I just feel sad when someone feels awkward (like I used to) when I give a compliment or show interest in them (or their boots and sneakers heh heh) and they worry about me.
Good intentions aren't always welcome, and I'm getting to understand that.
In essence, I'm learning to cope with acceptting that some issues can't be got round, much like 'death and taxes'...it's sometimes best to face things quickly though, than letting them drag on. =)
Thanks for reading this far!
Views: 30
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Comment by Tala Boudica on April 7, 2009 at 7:38pm
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o-o I've never had that problem, mine is more like the opposite. I love to flirt and will exchange that energy with someone else, that energy then makes them more appealing to me. By the time I'm done and have gotten what I wanted, I realize just how uninteresting and unattractive I find them and I accidentally used them. I have to watch myself now; I don't see a problem with flirtation, but I don't want to lead someone on when we obviously aren't on the same page. But when we are, it's hilarious!
Also, I have found that people more often than not appreciate a polite, but firm honesty. At least my friends do. I know of a few who would like to and have come on to me, but I have made my boundaries clear and they say they admire that. When you go into a situation putting off a certain friendly but unavailable aura, most people seem receptive.
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Comment by Jessinta on April 10, 2009 at 11:48pm
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ohh yeah i get that.
both ways.
i guess simply having boobs attracts a lot of unwanted attention tho....ive noticed that by going out to clubs...it really annoys me.
But lately i seem to be attracting a different kind of attention.
s wanting to go out with me..i know ....they've made it pretty clear.
and i feel bad cos im not really a mean person ...but i don't want to go out with any of them.
so....just trying to find the best way to let them down gently...and just stay friends.
tho that's not always possible.
at least with the sleazy guys at bars they kinda expect it...and i can just walk off.
then again im used to being hated...so when someone seems to take interest...sometimes i take it sarcastically, cos i know their really just playing with my head...as im not that attractive or interesting....
and as for the other perspective.
pretty sure most people get that....
always wanting what you cant have....
the people im attracted to ...are always too good for me.
but if i can just get talking.
i know, to me at least, friendship is better then anything else.
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Comment by Kobalos on April 11, 2009 at 12:38am
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Agreed - friendship is better, if both people can cope with their emotions. I guess it gets easier with age - less drive and more understanding of others. =)
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Comment by Boogle on April 21, 2014 at 5:55pm
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Yes. I usually get freaked when it comes to rejecting people because I have had experiences where guys don't take it well.
I'm not afraid to hurt them, but I'm more afraid of them hurting me. I never know what strangers are capable of so that bit of unknown can freak me out.
I've had guys get really angry at me for rejecting them, they'll yell at me, follow me, grab me, pull me away from people to get me alone etc.
I've never been physically injured but as you can see its been a close call, i think I've just always been lucky to have a friend or two near by.
Anyway, that was when i was a lot younger. I've always been kind of shy and kept to myself and once I got of age I got thrown into the bar/club/party scene probably a little faster than I would have liked to. I've come out of my shell a little more and have been gaining the courage to stand up for myself over the years. I think becoming friends with some badass ladies helped a lot. :]
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Thanks for that insight, Boogle! I'd not considered it from that perspective - but I can completely agree with being afraid at times too of guys getting angry, yelling, following, etc. Some people can turn on you without good reason or be too insistent, sometimes just because of their insecurities or feeling offended wrongly.
What you say makes a lot of sense - thanks for the comment! It was well worth it. :) It's always good to have a friend nearby.
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Or they are too arrogant in expecting you to return the admiration too. :)
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