Flak from other alt sexes

Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by NeonLightning on May 5, 2009 at 2:10pm

so what do other people have happening to them?

Permalink Reply by tofu on May 5, 2009 at 2:58pm

i havn't gotten any flak whatsoever...

Permalink Reply by Don on May 6, 2009 at 1:24am

I'm 100% grade A US homo, so I might be able to shed some light on this subject. I'm sorry this happens to you, and it really shouldn't. But I think this might have something to do with it. From my experience a lot of gay men go through a period of our coming out where we aren't ready to accept we're gay but we know we like other dudes. So we tell people we're bisexual. I don't know why it seems more acceptable to us to identify as bi rather than gay. Maybe it's because a lot of our straight friends will placate us, usually knowing that we are probably really gay anyway. And once we realize we are gay, we shuck off the bisexual label and eventually grow to look at it in a bad way because it reminds us of a period of our lives when we were at our most miserable and unhappy. An unfortunate side effect of this is that when we meet a guy who claims to be bisexual, we automatically assume that he is in the same bad place we were once in and we either react with wanting to help him come out or turn out backs because he is obviously someone with baggage. And when we try to convince him he really is gay and he refuses to acknowledge it, it frustrates us because we see ourselves rejecting a lifestyle that would end up making us much happier.

So it's not the gay men hangup about bi guys, it's our own hangup about ourselves.

I don't feel like that personally, but I chose to use the term "we" to prove my point. I hope this helps.

Permalink Reply by NeonLightning on May 7, 2009 at 2:04am

oh i can see that and i understand the term we its just a pain because i'm bi thats all there is too it i've always lived in a open environment and even have my mom engaged to her g/f of 14 years but i actually prefer girls somewhat and thats one that alot of people don't get because i've read the studies even that show i'm an anomaly i can't seem to find the numbers but they show that most bisexual men do turn out to be gay and most of those left turn out to be straight but also that most of the rest are like me and lean more towards women..

also in the hunt for a link to that study i noticed the wikipedia entry on bisexuality tends to even show that we get alot of downing from both but more so the homosexuals

also one thing i wish to point out is that what it says about how poorly we can relate and how we tend to end up going along with the gay pride stuff by feeling forced to is true altho i do support gay rights i at the same time feel singled out and invisible when trying to relate to either sexual group

Permalink Reply by NeonLightning on May 7, 2009 at 10:05pm

yea mostly from straight i just get some joking comments about stealing the guys and girls but i have been with a couple guys but i'm very picky on guys and have been working on picking up this one guy for about 2 years now

Permalink Reply by Kobalos on May 8, 2009 at 12:11am

Well, I come from another angle - 'cause I don't fit in a label easily. As you know from my profile, I have a fetish for guy's wearing boots and sneakers and yet I don't do or have any interest in sex with either guys or girls.

I also have had straight/gay/lesbian/bi folk having real trouble understanding and not believing that I don't want sex but to be overpowered/dominated by a guy's boots or sneakers. They often assume that I'm not fully 'Out' or I'm lying to myself. I spent a huge amount of time when I was younger trying to work out who I was. My body and mind already made it clear what I liked - it just doesn't fit in an easy well-known label.

So, I can appreciate how you feel singled out. I just find it tiring having to explain to folk 'cause they expect me to follow a set stereotype that I don't - from nearly every sexuality! In some ways it's easier just to use a label they know at first - but I prefer getting things clear from the start 'cause it leads to less assumptions that aren't true.

Permalink Reply by NeonLightning on May 8, 2009 at 1:10pm

yea makes perfect sense i've a few friends that are asexual but extreme fetishists. it would just be nice for people to realize i can be bi and prefer women most figure i should be at present sleeping with a girl and a guy. and a good example is this book my g/f picked up as a lark from the library book store "Dealing with a bisexual spouse" and i'm reading it and the two couples its mentioned sofar one was the guy turned out to be gay after having 5 kids and the other the girl turned out to be gay after 14 years marriage

Permalink Reply by Kobalos on June 12, 2009 at 2:24am

heh I kinda like that one 'bootsexual', though tbh, I don't have interest in the boots alone, so much as what the guy wearing them is like and how they give him more power (all to do with them having power over me really & having a laugh with it).

I find the label 'asexual' for me, incorrect, 'cause that suggests I have no sexual attraction or drive. I do, it just doesn't involve sex or the kinda messy stuff associated with it. ;D For me, my drive is 'rewired' in my brain to be interested in submission/suffering under the boots & sneakers of guys for their enjoyment.

I would say, that in my experience, a lot of the queer community don't understand my fetish, but are a lot more open to discuss it even though I can't really get what I need and give what they need, because if they are interested in me, they'll feel the same frustration I do about not getting walked over as they do with not getting sex with me. :/

So, in all good conscience, I have had to not even start things in real-life with some guys 'cause I know I would end up disappointing them. Though, don't get me wrong, I don't reject affection - it's just not a requirement for me to be fulfilled. I'm 'complicated' as they say. heh heh

Permalink Reply by Kobalos on June 12, 2009 at 11:45am

heh heh Yeah, that's a succinct way of putting it, though it's a little more dependent on how well I know their character. =) So, I prefer knowing someone a fair time first, part of that is trust-building, the other part is getting to know their ways and enjoying the friendship that builds up.

I used to have a phobia to kissing and I've never kissed, but I worked through my phobia mentally and although I do not really know if I 'like' it - without experience - I suspect I could grow to like it. Maybe... *grin* It's a hard one to decide on - I have no negative feelings to it now and no desire either.

As to hugging and close body contact, yeah, I like that. I like the feel of body-heat through clothes - again limited experience to anything more than that, that I can recall. But it is very pleasant and relaxing the times I have had some of it.

Permalink Reply by Hallucinogenic on May 28, 2009 at 9:28am

I think this is because of all the people who are as they say 'Party bi' Giving others a bad rep.That being said these people who look down at bi people because they are not %100 gay or whatever. I find it very hypocritacle for these people to judge people on this when they fight to not be judge because of there sexuality. All in all. If there is not conflict in life what is there. There can be no growth or gain without some rot. Right?

Permalink Reply by NeonLightning on November 13, 2009 at 4:43pm

yea i know what you mean about the pansexual i'm the same way but i just feel it kinda silly to have to say anything other then bi

Permalink Reply by Raine on November 13, 2009 at 10:02pm

I'm pansexual, and I tend to get a lot of shit from the bi/straight community. A lot of the bi kids I know treat me like I think I'm better then them or something, and they straight people either assume I'm actually a lesbian or actually straight, and I just want to be cool by 'being bi' and jumping on the bandwagon. And, though I'm not asexual, I'm not easily attracted to people, so a lot of people assume I'm asexual.

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