Betrayed by Mother... looking for advice.
am 29, non drug user ( recovered and clean for over 9 years ) and socially drink maybe once a month, at home with friends or with my husband, nothing rowdy. ( Learned my lesson last year with a drunken charge and night in jail, so yea. ) I smoke cigs, outdoors cause that **** isn't good for little kids. I keep a mostly clean house, cluttered but not dirty. I have three cats and too many fish. lol I am married, and have a fairly stable relationship with a man who makes good money but works a lot of hours to do so. We have two daughters ages 2 and 4, and are the light of our lives.
I recently had CPS ( child protective services ) show up at my home and leave a booklet at my doorstep explaining to me I am being investigated for child abuse or neglect. I called the number on the business card attached to the booklet and spoke to a woman who explained to me we are under investigation and she needs to come by my home to interview me and my children and husband. I. was. shocked.
The woman arrived a day later for our meeting at my home. She came in and sat down and made friendly small talk until she opened a file folder and started reading off the ''report allegations''. Third complaint on the list I came to the horrific realization that my mother had called CPS on me.
Former Meth user and now abusing RX drugs.
Using adult cold medication to drug the children.
Refusing to take children to the hospital or Dr. and not having insurance on the youngest child.
Locking the children in their room for hours and sometimes days with a 'trick doorknob'
fighting with husband until police are called.
having a filthy home with animals that have never been seen by a vet.
Spanking, hitting, bruising and punishing the children.
Using 'baby gates' to lock children into certain parts of the home without supervision.
Leaving children alone in hotel rooms to go 'party'
Having large amounts of alcohol in the home and drinking all the time even though on probation and not allowed.
After the woman finished reading this to me, she could obviously see I went pale. I mean WTF am I supposed to say to this? I signed a paper allowing the social worker to look up the kids medical information through their Dr. to show they have been receiving good care. I explained the 'trick doorknob' which was the door knob with a lock facing outwards instead of in... which wasn't used to lock the kids in, but to keep the kids from locking me out. ( which they think is a great joke ) The rest of the complaints are completely and totally untrue.
My mother and I are best friends, we speak on the phone everyday, sometimes for over an hour at a time. She had just been to my home to visit me with my sister and niece the day before CPS arrived and she acted perfectly normal the whole time knowing she had back stabbed me by calling CPS on her own child and grandchildren. I confronted her about the insane and stupid complaints she made to CPS and explained to her that she of all people knows that this **** is made up. She said her therapist advised her to call and she believes every word she said. And also she said she never mentioned drugs and several other things the CPS woman had told me. I ended the conversation before I said something I would regret and haven't spoken to her in a week now.
I understand nothing will probably come of this. It is obvious I am a 'good mother' and love my kids. Our family is odd and we do things differently ( stay up late, listen to loud music, have tattoos and such...whatever ) but nobody can say we are abusing our children. I am getting a copy of the CPS report and confronting my mother again but don't really know what to say or how to go about this. I am actually considering cutting my mother off, but understand that would be devastating to all involved. Suggestions? Advice? WWYD?
Sorry so long. Had to get all the details.
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Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Shanna Henson on
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It is not that easy with children involved. My daughters love their Grandma and Papa, and also I have a 12 year old brother who I love and want to be around as well. There has to be some sort of way to set up appropriate boundries? But in all honesty my first reaction was the same as yours Spike. *shrugs*
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Permalink Reply by Grit on
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Well i don't really know your mum but going of whats above she called CPS becuase her therapist told her to, i would bring it up with him/her. I'm having a tough time with my psychologist, which i guess i similar to a therapist, they have a ton of power and some abuse it. Your mum may have been pressured (or black mailed, I've heard of this happening to some people) by the therapist to make the call.
Don't know if that helps you any, but that's what i would do, talk to her therapist. Good luck to you and your family, hope it works out for you :)
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Permalink Reply by Evie K. on
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Hmm, It is a bit of a predicament. All I have to say is be truthful, and don't lie about anything, because they will dig it up. My family had CPS called on them over 42 times, and mainly it was the people across the street from us calling them because we weren't/aren't christians :|... My mom used to be an avid alcoholic, and a lot of divorces (which can bring up problems with certain CPS agents/etc. depending on where you are) but usually, they look at the well being of the children, and other factors...the CPS people were eventually like " Don't call us anymore, or we are going to press harassment charges" too bad it took that many times for them to finally say that.
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Permalink Reply by Kayla on
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Oh my gosh! That's crazy!
I wish I had some solid advice to give you, but I've never been in a situation even similar to that. If the problem continues then maybe get a lawyer to defend you? And if your mother's therapist told her to do it then it sounds like it wasn't entirely her idea, so I wouldn't cut her off exactly for the sake of the family. Just don't let her know about your affairs maybe.
Wish you the best, and I hope it all works out. I'll be thinking of and praying for you! <3
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Permalink Reply by Steve on
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My advice would be to ignore what she did/is doing. I know that seems hard, but breaking all contact with her makes you look guilty.
You should also try asking for advice on some parenting forums, this site might not give you the best results in this particular field.
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Oh I posted on a few sites, and got alot of great feedback. But I wanted some advice from people I have more in common with I suppose, thats why I posted here too lol.
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Permalink Reply by Wolf Madchen on
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I'm so sorry, I know what it's like to have your mom hurt you so deeply. Honestly, I think her therapist is putting ideas into her head. If she is seeing a therapist, I might presume she is having some problems, possibly dealing with reality, and if she is on medications I would take that into consideration. I would advise confronting the 'therapist', although files are confidential she still should answer for her crimes, possibly suing either one for slander or defamation of character.
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I am considering sueing... but I know that will make the rift between my Mom even worse. Still debating... if this continue to go this way with her I will look into some sort of lawsuit.
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Permalink Reply by Jay Riot on
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To wack to just let her off that easy, cutt her off for now so she can see how lonley it is with out family, then mabey shell think twice about doing rediculess shit x]
and as time goes by evaluate her actions, decide wheather or not shes ready to come back into you world
btw, you said she hasa theripist? is she fucked up in the head or what?
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My mother has had a long history of unaddressed mental illness. Everyone in my family knows she is not all 'right' but she refuses most medications and just manipulates everyone around her.
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Permalink Reply by 22lliou6xj137 on
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beautiful children and if it was my mom i would have cussed her out and let the rest of my family know.
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